Well, here we begin another semester of Jazz dance! This semester my instructor is requiring us to submit two journal entries a week about our class! So, even though this chronologically is out of order, this is my first journal entry for the class.
Today, Thursday, August 30th was our first official class to actually step out onto the floor and start dancing! I must admit for me, it was rather rough! I was very excited leading up to class, I couldn't wait to begin! Yet, as the class period progressed, my motivation and enthusiasm decreased. I had forgotten many of the steps from last semester and I also had forgotten how slow physically I learn choreography.
So, I must admit I was rather embarrassed among my fellow dancers when the teacher had us begin with a basic routine across the floor! I felt completely uncoordinated and far less confident and relaxed as my fellow dancers appeared in comparison to me.
Honestly, I felt rather defeated! At times, I didn't feel like continuing at all, because I knew as I continued to make mistakes I'd feel more and more self-conscious and it would get harder and harder to simply focus on just trying to emulate what I saw. The last thing I wanted to do was see myself in the mirror, that tall lanky one with arms and legs flailing wildly in the air. I was more comical than coordinated! I mused perhaps I would be the relief, the example of what not to do, or how not to execute a move.
True all this sounds very dull and depressing, but I must admit this was how I felt! Here, I stood with miles of vast dreams ahead of me! I had always dreamed as a small child of being some great performer and dancer like the Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly! And yet, in a moment it all was brought back to me! I would never be like that, because I never had the opportunity to learn dance at such an early age as they had. I would only be a mediocre dancer at best; one slightly above the average fellow off the streets.
Hope was still far off on the horizon. I knew that only I could achieve my goal if I stuck with it, if I forgot about what others saw or what others thought! Because this was MY LIFE and I was going to be a DANCER! I was going to live my dream and NO ONE could stop me! If I made mistakes I wouldn't let it bother me or bring me down! I would simply push myself through the class! And then when no one was there to see me or criticize me, I would practice and I would practice! I would sweat out every inch of my mistakes and I would slowly gain that confidence as I learned the steps - each one at a time. I would start to feel the rhythm - I didn't have to imagine myself going through the steps, I would be doing them. And then I would be doing them so well that I felt comfortable doing them in the class! And then maybe I would be able to get on that stage in front of that audience and confidently perform for them what I had slaved to learn that whole semester. I was beginning to see that there was hope, that there was a chance I would see my dream realized!
Of course it may not happen over-night! How could it, my life was certainly not like all the plays and musicals I had grown up seeing! It was something real! I had troubles, and made mistakes, but I also learned how to conquer my fears and finally feel... feel what I had always wanted to feel: that I was a dancer, yes I was a dancer and no one would forget it!
Today, Thursday, August 30th was our first official class to actually step out onto the floor and start dancing! I must admit for me, it was rather rough! I was very excited leading up to class, I couldn't wait to begin! Yet, as the class period progressed, my motivation and enthusiasm decreased. I had forgotten many of the steps from last semester and I also had forgotten how slow physically I learn choreography.
So, I must admit I was rather embarrassed among my fellow dancers when the teacher had us begin with a basic routine across the floor! I felt completely uncoordinated and far less confident and relaxed as my fellow dancers appeared in comparison to me.
Honestly, I felt rather defeated! At times, I didn't feel like continuing at all, because I knew as I continued to make mistakes I'd feel more and more self-conscious and it would get harder and harder to simply focus on just trying to emulate what I saw. The last thing I wanted to do was see myself in the mirror, that tall lanky one with arms and legs flailing wildly in the air. I was more comical than coordinated! I mused perhaps I would be the relief, the example of what not to do, or how not to execute a move.
True all this sounds very dull and depressing, but I must admit this was how I felt! Here, I stood with miles of vast dreams ahead of me! I had always dreamed as a small child of being some great performer and dancer like the Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly! And yet, in a moment it all was brought back to me! I would never be like that, because I never had the opportunity to learn dance at such an early age as they had. I would only be a mediocre dancer at best; one slightly above the average fellow off the streets.
Hope was still far off on the horizon. I knew that only I could achieve my goal if I stuck with it, if I forgot about what others saw or what others thought! Because this was MY LIFE and I was going to be a DANCER! I was going to live my dream and NO ONE could stop me! If I made mistakes I wouldn't let it bother me or bring me down! I would simply push myself through the class! And then when no one was there to see me or criticize me, I would practice and I would practice! I would sweat out every inch of my mistakes and I would slowly gain that confidence as I learned the steps - each one at a time. I would start to feel the rhythm - I didn't have to imagine myself going through the steps, I would be doing them. And then I would be doing them so well that I felt comfortable doing them in the class! And then maybe I would be able to get on that stage in front of that audience and confidently perform for them what I had slaved to learn that whole semester. I was beginning to see that there was hope, that there was a chance I would see my dream realized!
Of course it may not happen over-night! How could it, my life was certainly not like all the plays and musicals I had grown up seeing! It was something real! I had troubles, and made mistakes, but I also learned how to conquer my fears and finally feel... feel what I had always wanted to feel: that I was a dancer, yes I was a dancer and no one would forget it!
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